Update: Marriage Falls Apart After Man Insists on Legal Paternity Test, Upsetting Wife with Unfounded Accusations of Infidelity

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Fluffy_Half_le767 • 2d Update: AITAH for being mad that my husband thinks I tricked him with our child's birth certificate?
  • 02
    In my previous post here I had asked about how to deal with my husband wanting a paternity test. We did the test and got the expected results. He wanted to get one that has legal validity, not a home test. It was a lot more expensive and he paid for it. We had to use the agency to swab samples and maintain a chain of custody. I was surprised and bothered that he had this planned but he covered the high price and it'd be in my interest to have a clear indisputable legal trail so we went and did t
  • 03
    He got the STI panel done and that was clean too. He was surprised by my request, but didn't argue about it. He said it's just a test, no big deal. He was a lot more weirded out about a post-nup and flat out refused to cooperate there. I gave up on that because I consulted a lawyer and I can't get much from that anyway. Whatever I have spent on him and his debt is gone and I can't expect anything back and we are in a community property state.
  • 04
    We argued a lot about separating finances with him. accusing me of trying to control him using money. He pointed out that we were a couple years away from him becoming debt free and if I leave it all on him then it'll take him 5+ years. He still does not understand how his showing a lack of trust in me is comparable. He kept arguing that if he were the one with more money he'd have spent it on me and for me to use this now makes me a bad partner.
  • 05
    He came around and agreed to contributing more to bills after seeing how much my family has turned cold towards him. I am close to my family and they had loved him but this has made them upset at him. My little sister was outright rude to him which really got to him. He is the middle child and was frequently teased and bullied by his siblings. My sister was the only relative who loved him like an older brother and doted on him. My words and arguments didn't move him but he got upset about her ic
  • 06
    I wasn't thinking divorce when I wrote the post and I still don't want it. But I feel like I am falling out of love with this man. Like the scales have fallen from my eyes and all his faults that I had minimized before stand out glaringly. My mother is fully on my side but she has advised me to not make any quick decisions. I don't know what I am going to do. He's trying to be helpful and a good partner, but it feels like an act. 10.3k 1,545 Д
  • 07
    ZZartin • 2d Whoa who could have thought accusing your wife of cheating would negatively impact her feelings towards you. Reply 11.1k
  • 08
    brsox2445. 2d She is housing him and helping him pay off his debts early. Why is that the person you accuse of cheating? She is doing everything to help him and improve his life. This isn't a case of her using him and really being interested in someone else. Some people are just not smart. ΝΤΑ ... 532
  • 09
    Nightwish1976 • 2d He still does not understand how his showing a lack of trust in me is comparable I mean, he just thought you might be a cheating wh*re, no big deal. Reply 16.3k ♡
  • 10
    Peanutsandcheese2021 • 2d Exactly! And now he thinks she's a bad partner because she is making him pay his own bills. ... 2.8k
  • 11
    themcjizzler • 2d He can't afford rent but can afford an expensive, legally binding DNA test ... 819
  • 12
    FitzDesign • 2d Funny that being accused of cheating has caused you to reconsider your thoughts on the marriage, gee I wonder why. He doesn't like that your family is icing him out?? Too funny as it seems pretty obvious that he has zero self awareness and zero understanding of how his actions have impacted you.
  • 13
    Frankly OP you are right to re-think your commitment to him. His very actions towards you have shown that he does not have that level of commitment towards you. What is his next outlandish and childish act going to be. Yeah the baby is his but the underlying accusation that went with the paternity test, infidelity, has still stained you.
  • 14
    I would continue to separate all finances and get your ducks in order. You've already spoken to the lawyer about a post nup so you should consider drafting your divorce papers. He doesn't understand the almost irreparable damage that he has caused the marriage, again zero awareness.
  • 15
    I guess the question that you have to ask yourself is can you live with him. All other red flags aside, can you live with the fact that he does not trust you. He may say he does but that is bs. He wouldn't have called for a paternity test if he did. Now add in all the other red flags and ask yourself can you live with this? Can you bring your child up in a household where one partner does not pull his weight and doesn't trust the other?
  • 16
    Long-Okra1415 • 2d What he's doing now is just damage control. It's definitely an act. Like your mom said, don't make any hasty decisions but it sounds like you know exactly where this is headed. Don't stay in a relationship you're not happy with, it's not healthy for you or your child. Updateme ← Reply ☑ 1.8k
  • 17
    Werewolf Different296 2d . OP: After reading your update, I think that it is clear that he is using you as a sugar momma. He insisted on a legally traceable dna test and refused a post prenup. I predict that he is laying the groundwork to divorce you after his debts are paid. Are you sure you earn more than him? Even if I am wrong, you should engage your attorney on what actions to take to protect your money from him in the event of a divorce. You should also divorce him before he is debt free.
  • 18
    sirkeladryofmindelan • 1d Can't believe I had to scroll so far to see this comment. The husband is going to leave her the moment she pays off his debt. It's pretty clear from their conversation where he wasn't one bit concerned about the effect this having on his wife/marriage and uses the argument that they shouldn't split up because it would take longer to pay off his debts. He's either using OOP for her money, cheated and is projecting, unable to stand up to family pressure, on the incel brai
  • 19
    Old Beach2325. 2d He could've just as readily cheated since you were away so much and just not caught anything. I'd be honest with him "since you accused me of cheating after all I've done for you during our relationship, and accused me of trapping you I've fallen out of love with you. You being helpful now doesn't change what you did and honestly feels fake. Also, if you care more about how my sister feels about you than I do we've got a serious problem. I'm glad you're happy, but I also resent
  • 20
    HygorBohmHubner • 2d It took the opinions of others to make him "realize" his mistakes. I put quotes on "mistake" because he still doesn't genuinely thinks he's wrong. He's just upset because others can see his BS. I know it's most people's go-to answer here, but if you already feel yourself falling out of love with him, there's a reason, and that's your gut. Trust your gut. Reply 184
  • 21
    Peanutsandcheese2021 • 2d You are correct. He was ok with loading the BS on to her but when the family and sister reacted to his mistreatment of his wife he actually took a little action. He doesn't like being seen as the bad guy. He has no problem BEING the bad guy he just doesn't want others seeing him do it! ← 78

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